Thursday, June 09, 2011

I Need Your Strength, God...

I thought I would be better when I posted another post in my blog, but it seems I'm in worse condition than before. Yeah, I'm still stressful, really stressful, and it's unusual. I'm hyperworried over something... not just something, but quite something.

Well, so thanks God I passed the interview and I did medical check up yesterday (the third stage of four of the recruitment process). Beginning from blood checking where my blood was taken in a little glass tube until running about 1,6 km. All parts of my body was checked by the doctor, all. whether inner and outer and it spent all day long. I begin to be checked up at 07.00 am until 07.00 pm. Almost twelve hours, of course including the an-hour-and-half-running.

Nah, the hardest part is unquestionably running. I hate running or I barely like any sports. Every time I started to run, my stomach cramped. But I had to do it yesterday, as one requirement of the selection process. Okay, four laps in 13.50 minutes in a 400-meter-long track. That's surely even slower than the average, but I did my best. Just so you know that I was almost dying due to breath shortage and dehydration.

Well, four laps done then I was about to go home. I walked side to side with the doctor who was checking up us along the medical check up process. I asked him why I usually got pain in my stomach when running, and he just answered that happened because I never had some routine sport. He got me, lol. In a year, I barely did such physical activity like sport. I don't know why I'm too lazy for doing it so.

And the real problem was began here. One of the candidate ask him, what's the main cause we fail in medical check up? The doctor shortly answered, "It's diabetes. Those who are detected suffering from diabetes from the blood and urine tests, will automatically fail."

I gulped and got teased to ask further question to him. Then I asked him about what's the characteristics of the diabetics since I was worried because my dad was died from that disease ten years ago and I truly knew that diabetes is a hereditary disease.

He answered, "There are three main symptoms. They are polyuria (frequent urination), polydipsia (increased thirst), and polyphagia (increased hunger)."

His answer quite shocked me a lot. I never thought those simple abnormalities could be something really matter. Along my way home, I couldn't get away from what he said.

Okay, what troubles me the most is recently I have such abnormal habit like frequent urination. I used to think that was normal because I liked drinking water and maybe more than two litters a day. I thought it was an healthy habit cause drinking much water was good for your kidney. The frequent urination only an effect of drinking too much (to be noted, all I drink is water, not sake or champagne). But after hearing his statement, I'm kinda worry.

I frequently feel thirsty. I don't know, maybe because the hot weather of Jakarta so my body needs much water for liquid replenishment. So I drink and drink, and the result I urinate often, just like I said before.

Many sources said the diabetics always get starving and their appetite increases abnormally. I don't think I increase my appetite. Well, I have kind of unusual eating habit. When I first open my eyes from all night sleeping, I feel terribly hungry and need some food to eat. But I never eat rice in the morning. Papaya, fried banana, or two slices of breads are my menu for breakfast (of course I don't eat all). I also prefer lemon juice instead of milk. Why? It's not like I dislike milk, but I just don't want to drink milk every day.
Okay, I'm continued. Recently, my food portions still 'awesome', but I only eat once in a day and I don't feel like I'm willing to eat anything after that. Whenever I feel hungry, I merely drink water. Oh yeah, since I came back to home after five years in Bandung, I don't really like snacking. So, the conclusion is my appetite not increasing and still normal, or even decrease.

Some say the diabetics always lose weight. It because the energy from food that should be saved in body is used for decreasing the glucose level in blood cuz the insulin can't work well again to decompose the glucose. The result is losing weight.
Well, hmph... I lose my weight in the last two months, not drastic tough, maybe about 4-5 kilograms. Actually I didn't notice it first, only my family and friends said that. They accused me doing some unnecessary diet. I didn't straightly believe cause I still eat normally. I wasn't on diet or doing any detox, but I could feel my appetite was bit decreasing.
For a girl, losing weight is an exciting thing. At first I thought that way until last night the doctor told about diabetes. I always think I'm losing weight due to stress, I try to convince myself like that. But once I remember about my neighbor, I'm doubtful again. She has the same age as mine. She suffers from diabetes and it's been six years since she's been judged as diabetics. I clearly remember she lost her weight drastically a month before the judgment day. Then up until now she lives depend on the insulin injected to her body. She's also frequently unconscious. It's kinda cruel for someone who still has a vast future but must live her life that way.

Well, I'm losing weight. I really wish it's merely an usual losing weight. But still, I'm really worried about those symptoms. I drink a lot and urinate a lot besides losing weight. But I always keep wishing I'm in health condition and nothing's wrong with my body.

I want to pass the recruitment process, I want to join them, I want to stay healthy, ever and after, I don't want to be judged with any kind of disease.
God, lend me Your strength... give me Your grace...

Honestly, the blood test result kinda worries me. The hereditary factor also bothers me. The blood test that will be revealed in one or two weeks ahead will decide my future, not only for my career, but also my life. Diabetes is incurable and even the current sophisticated technology can't overcome it. The diabetics people should depend their lives in insulin injection for the rest of their lives.

I really wish nothing will happen to me, aamiin, so I can follow the next recruitment process. Really wish me luck, Guys

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