Kisah Rekruitasi di PT XYZ

Nggak biasanya gw posting sesuatu yang mengisahkan tentang proses rekruitasi di suatu perusahaan yang belum jelas hasil akhirnya. Selama ini gw selalu berikrar kalo gw baru akan posting kalau perusahaan itu udah officially meng-hire gw. Tapi rasanya gw butuh sedikit curhat disini.

Sebutlah perusahaan yang gw ikuti seleksinya adalah perusahaan XYZ (masih rada 'tabu' aja nyebut nama official nya selama masih belum jelas hasil akhirnya), sebuah perusahaan non-governmental yang punya anak perusahaan sangat banyak. Kenapa tiba-tiba gw mau share di blog padahal gw baru sampe tahap sangat awal?

It's okay. Belum tentu juga ada yang baca postingan gw kali ini .

Time to Balance the Imbalance

Setelah seminggu terakhir yang sangat hectic dan cukup membuat gw 'lupa' sejenak sama kehidupan rohaniah, gw pun mulai coba kembali menyusun hidup gw yang sempet kocar-kacir ini. Faktor gw yang harus absen beribadah karena period bulanan (yah namanya juga wanita) itu sangat berpengaruh. Emosi nggak terkendali, hypersensitive... entah lah. Gw seperti kehilangan pegangan. Biasanya kalo kondisi labil seperti itu, gw selalu merenung, berkomunikasi sama Allah lewat solat. Tapi karena gw lagi nggak bisa solat, jadi beginilah. Berdoa tanpa solat pun rasanya tak cukup untuk mengekang emosi gw yang sangat fluktuatif ini. 

Tadi pagi gw cukup terhenyak. Gw emang udah kembali solat lagi sejak kemarin siang. Ceritanya gw dipanggil buat ikut tes di suatu perusahaan besar dan...  terkenal juga walaupun bukan milik pemerintah. Sebelumnya gw pernah denger selentingan miring tentang proses rekruitasi disini. Katanya kalau nggak punya link 'orang dalem' itu susah. Kira-kira pembicaraan gw tadi pagi begini:

Sepupu: Wih lo tes di PT XXX, Tin?

Gw: Yoa... tapi katanya kalo nggak ada orang dalem susah...

Sepupu: Ngapain takut? Kan elo juga punya backingan.

Gw: Siapa? 

Gw nanya dengan nada pesimis. Backingan darimana? Wong dari silsilah keluarga gw nggak ada kok yang pernah kerja di perusahaan itu.

Sepupu: Allah.

Jawaban sepupu gw itu bener-bener bikin gw terdiem. Astagfirullah... kenapa gw lupa kalau Allah adalah penolong yang paling kuat diantara yang terkuat? Kenapa bisa-bisanya gw melupakan tentang hal itu? 

Gw pun langsung beristigfar. Mohon ampun pada Sang Pemilik Alam Semesta ini. 

"Astagfirullah... Astagfirullah...maafkan aku yang telah melupakan-Mu wahai Tuhan yang Maha Segala. Sesungguhnya hamba percaya bahwa sebaik-baiknya penolong hanyalah Engkau..."

Gw pun berikrar untuk kembali ke kodrat gw sebagai makhluk ciptaan-Nya. Gw akan kembali menyeimbangkan hidup gw yang sempet kacau seminggu terakhir ini. Insya Allah, Aamiin.

All For My Foolishness and I Deserve That

Being completely engrossed of something I shouldn't for quite a time is all senseless. Getting so worked up without realizing how hurt my feeling was, neglecting all the guilt I did without considering how many people I hurt, and enjoying all the pseudo-pleasure I had. And when I was awaken from those long reveries, I tasted one thing: the dreadful emptiness.

Those laughter were finally gone with nothing remained. I had just lived in hallucination which wholly blind me from seeing the reality. I wished this emptiness was only in my dream, I wished I would soon wake up from this long nightmare, I wished someone would bring me around from this bitter daydream. 

But, this was all real. Not a hallucination. 

 I cried and cried unbelievably, trying hard not to believe that it's real. I begged and begged that someday I could taste those moments of happiness for the second time. I plead and plead that this unpleasant reality would  soon end and turn it into a laughter. I wished and wished hopefully I could get back everything I lost.

But I knew that would never happen.

I wrote down a note, crying regretfully about not treasuring well the moments I spent. I listened to the songs which all just reminded me of my anguish. I remembered every single piece of those illusions. Again and again, without realizing I had chopped my heart into chunks, I had opened the scars and wounded them all over again, I had flushed the hollow in my heart with lemonade, and I had cracked the stitched up wound unpityingly.  

I had never learned how to be a masochist until I met you.

It took quite long time just to realize that those foolishness I did was all meaningless. I wasted my time just to  lament something that would impossibly happen. 

With my eyes open now, I eventually realize that my heart is too precious to be broken, my eyes are too valuable just to shed a single tear over the senseless thing, and my mind is too strong to be ruined for the second time.

"The reality is too cruel, sometimes. But that's a lot of better than the sweet illusion."