Sunday, September 18, 2011

All For My Foolishness and I Deserve That

Being completely engrossed of something I shouldn't for quite a time is all senseless. Getting so worked up without realizing how hurt my feeling was, neglecting all the guilt I did without considering how many people I hurt, and enjoying all the pseudo-pleasure I had. And when I was awaken from those long reveries, I tasted one thing: the dreadful emptiness.

Those laughter were finally gone with nothing remained. I had just lived in hallucination which wholly blind me from seeing the reality. I wished this emptiness was only in my dream, I wished I would soon wake up from this long nightmare, I wished someone would bring me around from this bitter daydream. 

But, this was all real. Not a hallucination. 

 I cried and cried unbelievably, trying hard not to believe that it's real. I begged and begged that someday I could taste those moments of happiness for the second time. I plead and plead that this unpleasant reality would  soon end and turn it into a laughter. I wished and wished hopefully I could get back everything I lost.

But I knew that would never happen.

I wrote down a note, crying regretfully about not treasuring well the moments I spent. I listened to the songs which all just reminded me of my anguish. I remembered every single piece of those illusions. Again and again, without realizing I had chopped my heart into chunks, I had opened the scars and wounded them all over again, I had flushed the hollow in my heart with lemonade, and I had cracked the stitched up wound unpityingly.  

I had never learned how to be a masochist until I met you.

It took quite long time just to realize that those foolishness I did was all meaningless. I wasted my time just to  lament something that would impossibly happen. 

With my eyes open now, I eventually realize that my heart is too precious to be broken, my eyes are too valuable just to shed a single tear over the senseless thing, and my mind is too strong to be ruined for the second time.

"The reality is too cruel, sometimes. But that's a lot of better than the sweet illusion."

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