Saturday, June 04, 2011

Do I Deserve Joining Them?

To be honest, I'm in a very stressful circumstance now . Why? Is it because of boyfriend? Friend? Family?

No. Neither. What makes me so stressful in the last one year is being a job seeker. Well, I graduated more than a year ago, but I haven't got any job . Blame my stupidity for not optimizing every chance I had and my terrible bad luck.

Some says, the good thing will eventually happen in the end if we never stop trying. I believe that, I keep running and running, neglecting any cynical views from either my neighbors and my 'friends', pretending I stay strong but actually isn't.

I believe God is the best arranger, the best composer, and everything. I really put all my faith in God. But even I always try to convince myself that I can get over it someday, I tumble down and cry sometimes. I'm just too fragile to face such reality. I still lack of patience apparently.

Okay. Back to the topic. So, on the day after tomorrow, I will have an interview in a big well-known company in Indonesia or I can say it's a local oil and gas company, that's why I'm sooooo stressful now . Why?

I seem to have such interview-phobia which causes me hard to deal with it. I always judge myself could not answer their question and looked down on myself. So many suggestion I received, but I still can't totally work that out until now. Okay, thanks to my sincere friends for giving me such helpful tips, my confidence increases even a little bit.

But for this time, my confidence level is decent. I keep asking question in my mind, "Do I deserve to join them while I was always rejected my some smaller company?"

I'm a real pessimist, no doubt. I always look up the bad side instead of the good one, in any circumstances. Not only in working thing, but also in my relationship with some people. Actually, I'm just trying to be realistic, I don't want to hyperlook on something then overjoy but in the end I get nothing.

Can I pass the interview?

Actually I'm not a result-oriented person, but prone to a-process-oriented person. I don't want to bother myself with the future result. What's important for me is how I can get through the process well. Nah, that's my main problem.

How can I get through the interview?

Some conditions make me doubt,

First, I will have an interview in a reaaally big company which I never have it before.

Second, I apply for the position which I'm clueless about the job description and I'm not even sure it matches with my educational background. Well, the vacancy mentioned my major though, but really I don't know such thing about general affairs. Even when I know, I don't know which study that may related to. The scope is just too vast. Different with if I applied for logistic position or marketing position. I could simply focus on logistic management or marketing thing. But as for general affair?

Third, my TOEFL has expired three months ago and I don't have any chance to take the new one since they just informed me yesterday and I will have interview on Monday. There's no way any language foundation would open in day off. Could I even evade the document checker?

Fourth, the interview will be in English. Okay, I can't say this is the problem, not to mean to be conceited, but fortunately my English is not really bad, so hopefully it won't be a problem for me.

The first three points are really crucial. As for the TOEFL certificate, all I can do is keep wishing they won't dispute it (Amen). Then, how about my preparation so far?

I've tried to gain some information about the company, but still I can't convince myself to stay relax. (How could I stay relax while I know I'll be executed two days to go~?  )

So many things I should do. First, I have to print out the must-be-brought documents and prepare them as well. Then I have to study and keep searching some info not to mention I have to practice my speaking skill. (Oh no~  ). Oh well, I even neglect my appearance. If you see me now, I really in  total mess.

Hold down, Her. I have to be optimistic to get trough this phase. I've been dreaming for so long to join them, so I have to utilize this given chance earnestly. Very wish me luck.


  1. Tna-chaaaaaaaaaaan! I pray you a success in getting a job! Be positive... but just don't get your hopes too much (<- you'd be really disappointed if it turned out the other way round)!
    I love your writing skills \o/
    Keep up the good work ;D

  2. Thaanks, Kaoko, for your support *huuugs*
    All I can do just give my best tomorrow, very very wish me luck D: D:
    Yeah, I never highly expect to something uncertain, I always try to think the opposite (in pessimist way) D:
    You love my writing skill? Haha thanks~ I thought I just babbled around in every post I made :D I love yours too! :P
    Later, Kaoko~ really really wish me luck :)